Akihiro Aiko

[alex]

Name: Akihiro Aiko

Age: 17

Gender: Male

Village: Kumogakure no Sato

Rank: Chunin

Nature Manipulation: Fire

Appearance: Akihiro has white hair he looks similar to aster phoenix he wears a white suit and Black trousers his eyes are slightly green.

He wears black shoes and a wristwatch some times. he wears a band around his head and he is white in complextion.

Personality: Akihiro is a her Un enthusiastic person. he hardly get happy. By his expressions he is always un happy or angry. He spends alll his time training to become stronger and defeat anyone that comes in his path.

He his colder than normally now because of the death of his parents. He has a very small temper control. His anger also affects his techniques it makes them more intense.

Jutsu:
Dai Endan - Great Fireball

Fire Release Great Blaze Ball

Gamayu Endan - Toad Oil Fireball: Fire Release- Toad Oil Fire ball

Great Fire Technique

Burning Ash Accumulation

Running Fire

Mythical Fire Phoenix Technique


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History: Before Akihiro got to the Academy his parents died from an assasination. They were going to visit Akihiro when a group of Ninja with powerful Ninjutsu attacked them and killed them. his Father almost being the fifth Hoktage

During his Academy days he was teated well by some people and badly by others His friends taught him some Ninjutsu but he only uses them whe he really needs them. He was taught by his mates not his teachers because he understood it from his friends. He hesitates because he is scared of his anger

When he became a Genin he had a very good relationship with his Sensei. His Sensei sent him on very special missions E.g Returning the scroll and others because he trusted him and taught him some more jutsu's and Shikimaru showed him some Ninjutsu and that is what he uses.

When he left his sensei he and his team went to do the Chunin exams Alex was the best in his team they all passed the Exams.

RP Sample: I will fight until there is no more you...
Akihiro walked through the village as he was a building un finished and un protected. Akihiro approached the building. it was Dark Akihiro looked around as he was Two ninjas running towards him. He stepped back.

Dai Endan- Great Fire Ball

Akihiro brought out a giant fire ball from his mouth and fired it at the Ninjas The construction site imploded and nothing remained.



Notes: N/A

[Admin]

Name: Fine.

Age: Fine.

Gender: Fine.

Village: Fine.

Rank: Fine.

Nature Manipulation: You don't have to have one, but somewhere in there your character probably has one. Just a little suggestion.

Appearance: A picture will not suffice. We actually do need a full 2 paragraph description.

Personality: We require 2 paragraphs here as well.

Jutsu: How is it that your character hails from Kumogakure and isn't a Nara clan member, but possesses their techniques? I can't allow them.
__________________________

History: I have a few gripes here.

-I'm not sure cars exist in the Naruto universe.
-Who were Alex's parents and why were they important enough to be assassinated?
-Why is Alex hesitant to use ninjutsu?
-Why was he taught by his friends and peers and not the teachers of the Academy?
-Who is this sensei, and what are "special" missions? Despite the level of trust between master and student, it is the Kage who send ninja out on missions.
-The shadow techniques are a symbol of the Nara clan. Shikamaru would not teach these techniques to the average joe who stumbles into the village. He also can't teach a few of those moves, because he hasn't learned them yet at this point in our narrative.
-What war?

RP Sample:

-The RP Sample should be IC.
-Just glancing, you should utilize spell check.

[alex]

Modified.

MOD EDIT :: SANDE
Okay, so, linking to something is simple.

[*URL=link to jutsu]Name of Jutsu[*/URL]

Dai Endan - Great Fireball
[URL=http://www.leafninja.com/ninjutsu-03.php#DaiEndan]Dai Endan - Great Fireball[/URL]

[Masami Saito]

Name: Fine, though I myself would prefer it to be of Japanese origin.

Age: Fine.

Gender: Fine.

Village: Fine.

Rank: Fine.

Nature Manipulation: Fine.

Appearance: We require two paragraphs for this section. I define a paragraph as between 4-5 sentences (3 if I'm being lenient). Please make sure you include at the very LEAST six sentences here.

Personality: This needs proofreading. I kinda get what you mean, but the grammar and spelling are quite bad. I'd like you to fix that.

Jutsu: Unless I'm very much mistaken, several of these Jutsu appear to be exclusive to a character. One I'm fairly sure about is the Toad Oil Fireball, as Jiraiya was able to perform it with the help of the toads and because he was in Sage mode.
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History: I have a few problems of my own to point out here:

-Saying his father was set to be the next Hokage is really giving too much credit to someone you've invented, especially with such a short and (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) mediocre history. If you could elaborate and come up with a good story, MAYBE I'd allow it, but as of now I'm gonna say you need another reason for their assassination.
-Please elaborate on the issues Shouten pointed out with how he learned his jutsu and his usage of it. He learned from his friends because he felt more comfortable learning from them? Why exactly did he feel uncomfortable learning from his teachers? Also, elaborate on his anger. This would probably go in the personality section, but where does his fear of this anger originate from? Has he hurt someone because of it? Is it just scary? Make it more descriptive.
-As Shouten said, the Kage generally assigns missions. Thus, I don't really see the whole "Sensei gave him special missions" deal being plausible.
-Take out the mention of Shikamaru, there's really no point to it and you won't be using Nara techniques without being in the clan.
-What war?

RP Sample:

-We ask that you post at least 150 words per post. I count only 73 words here. Please, at the very LEAST reach the minimum required, especially since the point here is to impress me.



In generally, I think you need to proof-read to make sure grammar and spelling aren't an issue. Also, try to get more into detail with your character. Tap into his history and personality, and really let the words flow. We want you to paint such a vivid picture, we know EXACTLY what character we're approving when we read it. Do this, and getting approved will be a breeze. If you have any issue with anything I've said, feel free to take it up with me.
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